soul

i dont have a soul

sometimes people make you want to be a better person
they give you a glimpse of
what your 'soul' looks like

these people have somewhat
sparked
my nonexistent soul

one: you have a tough life, no one would know. i know. yet youre the most clever and happiest person ive ever seen. you see the awesome in everyone; you showed me how to love all, to take my golden yellow eyes, dust them off and see all for what they should be seen as.

two: taught me that theres no bad people, just people that do bad things. you also taught me that i say that too much. soul was a blank emotionless face, emotions are okay. thanks for letting me hide them from everyone but you.

three: youre related to me, my soul cries sometimes. you showed me that tears speak louder than words, especially when words cant.

four: you are completely brilliant. ill never be as accepting as you have become. youre chiller than chill and sometimes it frightens me how much love you feel for everyone, even those your soul doesnt even know. you created my non-soul dad.

five: you act like me, well you act like number three. it freaks me out, you terrify me in the way that you can always read my mind, even when my soul hasnt registered what its feeling yet. no ones supposed to know what im thinking, im unreadable, so kind of despise you for reading me. you touched my soul, cant put the words together on how, but i know you did.

six: mountain ridge was our home, that piece is always part of the soul. you made it fun and taught me to get passionate about things and to share that passion with everyone.

seven: your goals are way too high, and you sometimes get worried over nothing. but you taught me that not everything is "ehhh its fine" stress is healthy, good for the soul, and runs our lives. my goals are getting bigger.

my soul has been seen by these people
they created my soul
but so did little people

number eight is that kid that i can never remember his name,
but he doesnt care, we say hi to each other anyway

nine is teachers that care

ten the way my mom cries, then becomes a boss a$$ and brushes herself off

eleven books

twelve you sit by me in math, i force you to stay after with me a lot. youre cute as a button and nice to everyone.

thirteen that lady that works at roxberry and makes my smoothie just right

fourteen sun dresses

fifteen chick that i barely know but always asks for advice

souls are delicate,
thanks for making mine
its not done yet
never will be complete
but the pieces i find along the way
are the best ones

xox

most delicate, yet golden question

what does love mean?

"when my grandma got arthritis, she couldnt bend down anymore to paint her toenails. so my grandpa paints them for her."
rebecca age 8

its in the sunrise i watch on the way to school
the way children think "big kids" are so cool

"when someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. you just know your name is safe in their mouth."
billy age 4

the morning smiles
and long nature miles

"love is what makes you smile when youre tired."
terri age 4

its in "how was your day?"
sometimes smells like flowers in may

"if you want to learn how to love better, you should start with a friend you hate."
nikki age 8 

looks best in blue
and will always be the first to tie your shoe

"love is when you tell a guy you love his shirt, then he wears it everyday."
noelle age 7

love makes your eyes gleam
shows that dramatic times are better than they seem

"its when a little old man and a little old woman are still friends even though they know each other so well."
tommy age 6

in the words 'we made it'
followed by days where all you do is sit

"when my puppy licks my face after i left him alone all day, thats love."
mary ann age 4

its made of closed mouth smirks
and that old piece of soul that just lurks 

"you really shouldnt say i love you unless you mean it. but if you do, say it a lot. sometimes people forget."
jessica age 8

love is four letters just like, kiss keep feet ring and pond
yet you feel it somewhere, not here, but far beyond.

maybe we knew cinder

my mind just read a poem 

while my body was in a car 

driving home 

mind felt things

thought in ways it hadnt

before

was touched like no other 

when I finally looked up 

out the windshield again

i felt it 

the connection left

between my teenage brain and adult words

and maybe i didnt quite understand all the big ones 

and maybe i read line 14 slowly even though it was written fast 

maybe i forgot to pause at each comma 

and i wouldve said 'found' where you said 'lost' 

and maybe i wouldve signed xox 

but we're all writers 

i felt strange when the moment with my poem was gone

like when it struck midnight and cinderellas dress vanished 

but she didnt know the shoes would stay 

she had no idea that she didnt need a pumpkin or mice to be important 

because we're all writers 

maybe cinderella was a dude 

maybe the prince was life

and life looked scary because he was so fancy and always ready to take on the next task but cinder wasnt 

cinder was scared 

you couldnt see it though 

cinder always sang happy things

not even the mice wouldve guessed that cinder was sick 

if the mice couldnt tell, how would the prince had known to go easy on her

to chill out 

maybe give cinder the week off 

and we all know how it ends

the glass slipper broke and prince life wasnt even there to see 

but the fairytale was wrong

weve all be deceived 

life and cinder never lived happily ever after 

they never found the second slipper

maybe we can 

(tg) 

when i was 16

"stay weird... pass this message on to the next guy..."

when i was 16 i wore pastel pants even though my mother told me they were ugly
i wanted to fit in
when i was 16 i heard the words    drugs   crack   high   drunk   and blocked them out because "im above people like that"
when i was 16 i believed that college was ages away
when i was 16 i was twelve. the sky was still blue, bubble gum lasted longer, and a tank of gas took you a little farther.
when i was 16 i thought less
got deep never
and wanted to be it all.
i laughed more than i shouldve, took selfies with strangers and kissed the moon twice a month.
when i was 16 i ran from the rain
and stood up for the moment.
when i was 16 i cared about washing my hair everyday and sparkly shoes.
when i was 16 we invited boys over for board games, and when it was their turn became oblivious when they "moved"
i ran for president
sassed my father and kissed seniors bums.
when i was 16 i spoke like a robot and learned quickly how to charge my battery
but when you have too much charge and not enough battery the source explodes
im the source
when i was 16 i wore pastel pants and exploded.
learned a lot
ran fast
and chewed bubble gum

xox

no offense

i love these high school halls
and to those that 'hate school' and 'count down' to graduation out of 'joy'
poop on you
                               no offense
always been fond of the idea that were all stuck in one place
together
everyday
forced to communicate and like each other

as of late
gossip has become a bore 
and the hallways are getting squishier

the vending machines are getting farther away 

and teachers are getting more oblivious. 

the square on my graduation hat keeps getting bigger. 

and the list of things ive  touched has shortened. 

so to all seniors who are ready for the bitter sweets 

and all the "I promise we'll stay in touch" 

go out even when tired 

eat even when you know it's going straight to your thighs 

kiss even if he's not funny 

rollerblade into a tree

fail a test you knew every answer to 

wear leggings even though dress code 

bowl 10 gutter balls in a row 

and 

touch everyone with words. 

cause thats all students 

friends

and teachers will remember. 

not how dope you looked in the hallway. 

Xox 

glass

it hurt when i stumbled across her
she was like broken glass all along the floor
but it was beautiful
and my curiousity got the best of me
i remember looking at her
all i could see was the light 
she had an insane look of desperation
you could almost feel it
and yet her eyes were still glowing
like all the life had been sucked out of her 

yet she wanted to put life in everyone elses 
i wanted to pick up her pieces
i wanted to put her back together
and so i tried
i really did
i got a little cut along the way
the more i tried to fix her
the more she fixed me
i never saw her not happy
everytime i made her laugh i wanted to make that happen forever
she started to get better
eventually she was put together enough to get up and walk away
but she didnt hesitate to take me with her
and ive been sitting here where i first found her
wondering if the pieces left on the floor
were hers or mine
i should probably get up.

round two

when nelson in creative 1 said write about love 

i was distraught 

that point of my life i had only had a crush on a boy for a month 

and was sure i didnt love him. 

i became disappointed with myself for not having some dramatic love story that had never been told. 

sat with my mind open 

trying to find words to exaggerate my previous so called lovers

taking any desperation to sound interesting. 

read through blog after blog 

heartbreak

betrayal 

butterflies

xoxoxs 

then it clicked 

the light bulb in my junior year mind, was finally lit. 

i was surrounded by love

and was yet diving into my thoughts to try and find it. 

what was meant to be found was

the way my father looks at me when he says bye for work 

love the mountains show by merely being beautiful

passion in my friends eye when they talk about what they enjoy 

the love sister shows in her tears at thought of me moving out 

missing feeling ill get after graduation 

excitement when college mails a letter with my name on it

love you can hear in laughs

naps bring love

feeling ice cream gives the stomach 

warmness of a blog post comment

its all around. 

doesnt always come in kisses

or with scent of roses. 

sad i missed the meaning during round one

but can only go up during round two. 

xox